Am I depressed, or am I just making myself miserable? | East London Therapy

Have you ever spent hours alone in your room, lost in a doom-scroll? You look at the clock, realise just how much time has passed, and in that quiet, exhausted moment, it’s so easy to ask yourself: “Am I actually depressed, or am I just doing this to myself?”.

Maybe you wonder if you simply pressed pause on that sad playlist, opened the curtains and stepped outside, you would instantly feel better. You start to think that, in fact, this misery is purely self-inflicted. So, not only are you struggling, but you are blaming yourself for the struggle. And that’s an incredibly painful place to be.

When we are going through a difficult time, our minds search for reasons to help everything make sense. Oftentimes, it feels easier to blame our own choices, such as self-isolating, than it is to sit with the scary reality that we are experiencing real emotional pain, depression, or even frightening thoughts about not wanting to be here anymore.

And perhaps the question doesn’t have to be whether you’re depressed or making yourself miserable. Perhaps it’s enough to recognise that something doesn’t feel right, that you’re struggling, and that you deserve the space to understand why. You don’t need to have a name for what you’re experiencing before you’re allowed to take it seriously.

And the truth is, these behaviours aren’t necessarily what’s causing your sadness. Often, they’re signs that something deeper is going on. Locking yourself away, staying glued to your phone, sleeping too much (or not at all), and feeling completely exhausted even when you haven’t done much aren’t signs that you’re deliberately making yourself miserable. They may be signs that you’re struggling, feeling overwhelmed, or trying to cope with more than you currently have capacity for.

At this stage, it is common to experience emotional numbness, which can feel like living on autopilot. Picture it as a million things happening around you, and all you can do in that moment is drown out the sound and focus on the floor in front of you.

When life becomes too much, you might find yourself feeling emotionally numb, disconnected, or unable to respond to things in the way you normally would. Sometimes, this can be a way of coping when you’re feeling overwhelmed. When so much demands your attention and energy, it can become difficult to process everything you’re experiencing. You might begin to withdraw from the world, not because you don’t care, but because you’re struggling to find the energy to engage with it.

Finding a little space for yourself

In my space, I welcome you, in your current state of survival, to sit with me. We don’t need to rush into anything, or go at a pace that you aren’t comfortable with. The first step is simply to acknowledge the state of your world right now, and its impact on your emotional wellbeing.

In my practice, I encourage you to move away from self-blame and the constant questioning of what you should have done, and instead make space for self-compassion. We can begin to understand your habits as clues to how you’ve been coping with what life has thrown at you. Together, we can explore what these habits might be helping you manage, where they might no longer be serving you, and what other forms of support or coping might feel more helpful.

Depression can be a confusing and lonely room to live in. You can find yourself saying, “It’s not that bad”, but then feel that same heavy weight on your chest as you get into bed every night. You might even find yourself searching for reasons to dismiss what you’re feeling, as though you need to justify why you’re struggling before you’re allowed to ask for help.

But you do not have to prove that you’re struggling enough to deserve support.

You do not have to navigate such a difficult period alone. Therapy can offer you a space to make sense of what you’re experiencing, begin to move away from self-blame, and explore ways of coping that feel more manageable. Together, we can work towards helping you feel more connected to yourself and better supported as you navigate life’s challenges.

If this resonates with you and you would like to explore working together, I offer therapy in Spitalfields and Liverpool Steet, East London. Please feel free to reach out via my contact page, and we can take things entirely at your own pace.

Further Support

If you’ve been feeling persistently low, you can speak to your GP about how you’ve been feeling and what support might help. If you’re finding things difficult outside of GP hours, you can also contact NHS 111 for urgent mental health support.

If you’re experiencing thoughts of suicide or feel you might act on them, please seek urgent help. You can call Samaritans for free on 116 123, any time, day or night, or visit A&E if you feel unable to keep yourself safe.

You don’t have to wait until things feel unbearable to reach out for support